The MINDIE Method

Mindie is available for in-person and virtual psychotherapy sessions via her Executive Health by Mindie Barnett Psychotherapy practice. Her expertise is in interpersonal relationships, overcoming depression, coping with anxiety and avoiding and overcoming burnout among many other wellness areas. Life coaching and career coaching are also areas she excels in. For more information or to schedule a session
visit mbexecutivehealth.com 

Dear Mindie, 

I recently became a father and while I’m elated by the birth of my son, and more in love with my wife than ever before, I can’t help but feel a little melancholy. I don’t think I’m depressed, but lately, I have felt a lack of motivation and find myself lingering in bed longer than usual, reluctant to get up and start my day. While I enjoy taking care of my son and experiencing a multitude of special moments, I also find myself frustrated and sad.

He is adorable and I love him more than I ever thought possible but taking care of a newborn is very hard and can be trying, to say the least. I am thankful I can leave the house and go to work during the day but sometimes on my ride home on the subway, I find myself feeling less than enthused. Is there something wrong with me? Shouldn’t a new dad be watching the clock all day to race home and put his baby in his arms? My wife is left to do the brunt of the baby work as she is breastfeeding and home all day with him, while she remains on maternity leave. If anyone should be feeling anxious or overwhelmed, it should be her, but she seems fine. Please help. I feel like I’m a failure at fatherhood and it’s only just begun. 

Sincerely,
Daddy Downer

Dear Daddy Downer,
What you are experiencing is perfectly normal! Fathers can experience postpartum depression, just like mothers can. Known as Paternal Postpartum Depression, it’s often overlooked and impacts one in ten dads. The signs are similar to what moms experience and can include feelings of sadness, irritability, loss of interest and fatigue. Dads experience this as it’s often difficult to navigate the changes fatherhood brings, whether it’s your first baby or your fourth.

Unsettled babies are also difficult to maneuver and often cause sleep disruptions which can impact one’s wellbeing. When the mother is battling postpartum depression or there are marriage difficulties, these factors too can cause dads to be at a higher risk for baby blues. Early detection and intervention are key, and it sounds like you’re very self-aware of your feelings and emotions and likely ahead of the curve.  

My best advice to you is to first speak with your wife and express how you’ve been feeling. 

You may be surprised to hear she is experiencing the same emotions but may have been pushing those feelings down as no new parent wants to feel sad about being a new parent. Even if she isn’t, having her support will be immeasurable for you and assist you with coping with your feelings.

While it’s always best to sit with the pain and feel the discomfort, it’s also wise to seek the help of a mental health professional. Therapy will allow you the ability to speak your mind in a safe place without judgment and provide you the runway to build your skillset to combat your feelings of anxiety and sadness. The treatment most therapists implement typically includes a combination of talk therapy and medication. The therapy portion will help address negative thought patterns and behaviors and if medication is deemed necessary, anti-anxiety medication or antidepressants could be prescribed.

Regardless of treatment, it’s important that you at least seek the advice of an expert. While baby blues are a mild and temporary form of depression that usually resolves itself within two weeks, the latter, postpartum depression, can last months or even years if left untreated.

Wishing you love and light,

 
Mindi